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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473006">i'm the violence in the pouring rain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaandthestars/pseuds/seaandthestars'>seaandthestars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gossip Girl (TV 2007)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, currently campaigning for chair rain kiss 2021 in the gg reboot, yes this is my humongous rain kiss fic lets see if it works out for us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaandthestars/pseuds/seaandthestars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tuscany would’ve made him love her forever; he just didn’t know if she would love him forever back. "Don’t you see? It was in self-defense. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just scared...scared that you’d see me." Early s2, Hamptons AU</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm the violence in the pouring rain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is an AU version of the Hamptons episodes in early s2. I switched up the chronological order of the events that happened in the show for the purposes of this fic. The White Party that happens in 2x01 comes last.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i. “‘You said I killed you — haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe — I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, god! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" </p><p>- Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>          Chuck was nearly out of breath. He had woken up early that morning to Serena’s taunts; her pernicious reminders that Blair would never forgive him for abandoning her in Tuscany. He had looked in the mirror for the first time all summer, as if he’d finally noticed something wrong with himself. </p><p>          For the first time he actually had to put effort into his appearance: with those other girls, the blurry faces and bodies that he could hardly recollect amid liquor and narcotics, he didn’t have to move a muscle. Their limbs twined around his like vines of ivy strangling a thick cedar tree. It was a pleasant feeling but a suffocating one - he was so encumbered by these shadowy figures pressing on him that he fell unconscious. </p><p>          Blair was his clarity. Without her, he was a walking narcoleptic, wasting his life on booze and women to numb his trauma and regrets until he collapsed into a heap of sorrow. </p><p>          And that was why Chuck Bass finally decided to look at his figure in the mirror for the first time since he left Blair: it was about time he won his reflection back. </p><p>          He had raced to the flower shop - he had to be just on time to see Blair - and stared at the array of floral designs before him. His first choice was pink peonies: they were Blair’s favorite flowers. But this wasn’t about winning her or making love to her, he wanted to apologize.</p><p>          Yellow roses were his mother’s favorite flowers. He used to take trips with his dad, once a year, on the anniversary of his mother’s death to leave flowers near her grave. It never rained, and Chuck was forced to feel the blistering sun rays on the back on his black suit, stifling him.</p><p>          He was always suffocated around his father, the man he was dying to impress, who never held him tight, who yelled at him when he cried. </p><p>          Blair was the first person to hold him and in turn, she was the first person he held. He would wrap one arm around her after their nights together during their fling back in Junior, circling her warm ribs like a cage. She would roll over and cling onto him in turn until Chuck was not able to tell where his limbs ended and hers began. </p><p>          And then the sun would rise over the sky, its rays of light penetrating the window, and he would open his eyes - still foggy and befuddled - to watch Blair untangle herself from him and walk out the door. </p><p>          He clutched the yellow roses tighter, and his palms began sweating with the exertion of having to see her. He hoped she’d listen to him, that she’d at least look at him before inevitably turning away.</p><p>          She had looked at him, all right. She stared right into his smug facade, and rewarded the blonde haired, blue eyed Nate replica in front of her who dotingly trotted over to her with her luggage with a kiss. He should’ve known - Blair always had a man wrapped around her finger, ready to do her bidding. </p><p>          His jaw slackened and he backed away. He wasn’t intent on giving up though, no matter how many flowers he had to buy.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>ii. “I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” - Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>          Chuck sat at his desk, scribbling. It was more effort than he ever put into any of his school work - or anything, really. </p><p>             How To Win Back Blair Waldorf:</p><p>- Buy her jewelry<br/>
- Buy more flowers and fill her apartment with them<br/>
- Have Nate throw an exclusive party and wait for her to attend...</p><p>       Nothing seemed to make up for the way he treated her. Chuck had no idea how to apologize or even go near her when she had that man by her side. </p><p>       Blair was throwing a party on Sunday to celebrate hooking Lord Marcus. He just knew that inside that gorgeous, insane, fantastical mind of hers she was already thinking about her life as a duchess. He knew she was practicing her mannerisms to impress that woman who looked like a blow-up doll with silicone breasts, Duchess Beaton.</p><p>        He wanted to tell her she was better than Catherine - that with Marcus she would be an accessory on his arm, limited by propriety forever. That he knew her icy sangfroid hid a fiery interior - one that loved to dance and scheme and run wild with him. </p><p>        He knew he had to win Blair to his side because she was the only person who knew him, and in turn, he was the only person who could read her like the pages of her favourite Vogue Magazine cover: preserved in pristine condition, but with a page crinkled here and a corner bent there. It had been those folds in her that he wanted to reopen, he wanted her to be her real self, always, with him. No secrets between them.</p><p>         “...Marcus is never going to end up with a lowly Waldorf.” Chuck had rounded the corner to see Blair get chastised by Duchess Catherine, her face dim in the candlelight, registering the words. A sick part of Chuck had to admit, he was pleased that Blair had lost the Duchess’s approval so that there was nothing standing in his way of having her all to himself. Blair watched the Duchess walk away, and sighed into her champagne glass like she knew this was going to happen.</p><p>For Chuck, every open crack of vulnerability was an opportunity to make her listen. And this time, he hoped he would be able to get close enough to beg for forgiveness the way he didn't on the jitney.</p>
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